Always a dodgy one, men writing in defence of women. Too often, the women feel patronised and the men feel only scorn. To be frank, a bloke shaking his head indignantly at pornography either comes across as a eunuch or a hypocrite… and almost certainly under the thumb. Well I’m not the first, I am the second and I’m probably the latter…But, for what it’s worth, in all honesty, I feel strongly on the subject. As a teacher? As a husband? As a Christian? I'm not sure; either way I just worry we’re damaging ourselves significantly, particularly our young, by this obsessive, all-pervading sexualisation of society – by our unchecked mutual obsession with (usually airbrushed) female nudity.
So why am I a hypocrite? Well I’ve seen my fair share of what Peter Kay calls a 'bit of blue' (although not for a long while now, I hasten to add), and I’m plenty tempted to see more. But right there is the first thing wrong – too much and too ready access to that which is bad for us. Men have always been suckers for cheap titillation, but there’s never been so much of it. Few would previously have gone out of their way to seek out that which wasn’t readily available (bear in mind, much of today's online adult material would have been recently illegal in the UK) – it would have taken a fairly determined effort, accompanied by the risk of damage to career or reputation. Now it’s just a click of a button or a 10-second Bluetooth transfer, it’s as depraved as the mind can conjure, and it’s addictive. The bottom shelf of WH Smith is more explicit than the top shelf cover material 20 years ago – so is the latest advert for Walkers’ Crisps, for goodness sake! And it IS bad for us; a constant point of comparison and competition for our wives and girlfriends – those who should be our queens, our ultimate… not our compromise with reality. And, as for the participants? Well everyone seems to be playing the denial game – pretending their viewing doesn’t endorse sex-trafficking, abuse, drug-dependence, organised crime. Pretending these ever willing girls aren’t someone’s daughter, sister or mother.
But back to the young. It’s the lads I teach I feel most worried for. Attending a boys’ school, half of them have barely talked to a girl until a fairly late stage! And yet their computers and phones are heavy-laden with filth; this is their view, their expectation, of sex and femininity. They’re far more familiar, as voyeurs, with bedroom gymnastics than they are with conversation or commitment. The reality is likely to disappoint! And what of the girls? Well, the damage is certainly being done. They know what’s going on and what boys increasingly expect. The increasing sexualisation of teen girls – their dress, dieting, language and behaviour, is there for all to see. Increasing instances of rape, eating disorders, teen pregnancies and STDs are merely the tangible evidence of the pressures faced. Who is honestly surprised by the recent controversy over provocative underwear marketed at pre-teens in Tesco or BHS? Any teacher can tell you of the increasing number of girls giving their career ambition as the desire to ‘glamour’ model or marry a footballer. This is our enlightened post-feminist liberal reality; women are most visible in the public realm as eye candy, placed to prompt male gratification or female self-improvement.
In this internet age, I’m not sure there’s a way back. I don’t endorse state censorship – I don’t trust the state with it, for a start. Neither do I think that people are going to read this and take a vow. More likely you’re ready to invite me off my self-righteous high horse. However, all I’m suggesting, in the first instance, is that we at least acknowledge this state of affairs as not great. Plenty of my mates are now starting to have children; I may even get around to joining them one of these days! We must surely want something better than this for them?
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